You screwed up, big time. You knew you were wrecking your relationship, but you cheated anyway. Yes, things were off-balance between the two of you, but instead of working to get the balance back again, you took the easy road and now you’ve lost the one woman who made you believe in yourself again.
You could see your future with her, and it looked amazing. Now she’s left you – for good reason – and you would give anything to win her back.
Is it even possible to win back the woman of your dreams after you cheated? The short answer is yes, it is possible. And there are several things you should know as you work your way back into her life.
There is no “quick fix” after an affair. However, here are tips that can help with the healing process:
This may take some time, and depending on the situation, she may never really “forget” what you’ve done, even if she forgives you. Cheating is a pretty serious mistake in any relationship, and it isn’t something to be taken lightly.
Even after it heals, cheating leaves a scar, and while most people can live with a scar, it’s not something you’d comfortably wish on anyone. But the GOOD news is that even if you have cheated, there are several things you can do after an affair to get things moving in the right direction again quickly.
Understand WHY you want to get her back.
Don’t work to win her back if you’re not really serious about this particular woman. This only creates extra work and pain for everyone involved, and that’s not the life you want for yourself or for anyone you love.
So consider your motivations. If you plan to win her back, you should do it for the right reasons.
Why do you want to win her back?
- Because now you can’t have her? Sometimes guys are motivated to try to get back together with an ex simply because they “can’t have her.” Something about that just trips a switch in a man’s brain, and he feels driven to achieve what he’s been told is out of his reach.
- Is it all about your pride? Another reason guys pursue the woman they’ve cheated on is because of a misguided effort to build their pride back up again. A man says in his mind, “I cheated, but it’s not really so bad because I can get her to came back to me. What I did wasn’t so terrible after all.”
- Are you afraid to be alone? Here’s another reason men want their ex back: they can’t stand being alone, and they figure the easiest path to companionship is with a woman they already know pretty well. Or perhaps they have low self-esteem, and are using a confident woman to make up for what they lack.
- OR are you at your BEST when you’re with her? You should do it because you believe the two of you are incredible together, and you want to be with her because when the two of you were a couple, both of you were your best possible selves. If that’s the case, you are in a great position to start down the road to winning her back!
Do any of the scenarios above sound like YOU? Think seriously about it.
And if you’re just starting to realize that you have less than great reasons for wanting her back (and maybe that’s the reason you cheated), guess what? You still have good options, because simply knowing what things you need to fix about yourself is a great place to begin before ANY new relationship.
The longer you kid yourself about your real motivations, the longer the process of winning her back will be. So figure it out, and you’ll be on the fast track to winning her back.
If your relationship is to survive an affair, fix what’s broken in yourself first.
Whether they’re good or bad, once you know what your real reasons are for wanting her back, you are in a perfect position to begin working on yourself so that you can prepare for winning her back or (alternatively) winning a new relationship.
If you cheated, there’s more than likely something in your relationship that was off kilter or out of balance. Before you spend all your energy thinking about what SHE was or wasn’t doing, what was YOUR part in the out-of-balance relationship? Take the time to figure out what motivated you and get the help you need to address it.
Above all, make sure you’re FINISHED with cheating.
How to Rebuild Trust After an Affair:
So you’ve decided that you want to win her back, and for the right reasons, but now what? Besides just repeating in your mind, “i cheated and want her back”, you need to work on a plan to recover her love and trust.
Here’s are some tips…
1) In dealing with infidelity, let her have her anger.
Of course she’s going to be furious. That’s a natural response to a betrayal like this. And the best thing you can do is to allow her to be angry. Let her rage and yell and scream and get it out.
And you should be patient while she does this, and you should be willing to listen to a fair share of it. She needs to know that you understand how upset she is.
Listening and being present while your girlfriend is angry IS the shortcut! If you try to avoid this or work to “calm her down,” you just draw out the process.
So let her be angry, and take it like a man.
2) Give her your HONEST apology, and some space after an affair.
This piece is critical to winning back the woman you love. After you’ve let her rage run it’s course, she will begin to grieve. And this is your chance to tell her sincerely how very sorry you are.
Admit that you completely screwed up, but don’t give her your justifications or talk about all the complicated reasons you let it happen. Simply apologize with as much sincerity as you possibly can.
And walk away.
Let her have room to grieve. She needs time to let your apology sink in.
You can’t stand there and talk her into not being sad and hurt, so speed things up by getting out of the picture and letting her grief run it’s course.
3) To rebuild trust and win her back, tell her you love her.
Once you’ve given her time and space to be sad about the betrayal of trust, you’re ready to give her your final apology, along with a profession of love and understanding.
Tell her how much you love her, and that you completely understand why she left you. Tell her that you have been working on your problems (see above!) and would give anything to make things right between the two of you BUT that you’ll leave her alone now, and you wish the very best for her…
And be sincere about it all. If you really do want her back, she may be able to hear your love and accept your best wishes for her. If she is able to see a future with you, she’ll offer you a way to begin the journey again.
Remember, she’ll most likely want to make some new “rules” for your relationship (most likely having to do with contact with the woman you cheated with), so you should expect that as a condition of reconnection.
And the two of you will be on your way toward couple-hood once again!
How to Win Her Back Proven Tactics:
Why are there all kinds of books, magazines and help on fixing a car, managing money and all the latest fashions, yet very little USEFUL information on how to fix a broken relationship?
Don’t you wish there was a “get your ex back” night school?
Actually, there’s a solution that’s even easier than that. You can learn the many tips and techniques for recovering after a major mistake and keeping a relationship secure and solid in
These methods may not be entirely conventional (fair warning), but they DO WORK. In fact, they work insanely well in a wide variety of situations.
Want to learn more? Click on the link below and find out how you can win back the woman of your dreams…
Learn the “magic” that will win her back here => The Magic of Making Up Course